So much has happened since my last post and although I have been writing, I have not posted because I haven't yet figured out the balance between writing about our ups and downs and protecting my children's privacy. I just wrote the following about the process of building trust, particularly with Dasha, who is now 14 and just started high school.
It’s amazing to me that Dasha can be intensely rude to me one moment, saying, “I wish you will die in a car accident.” And later transform to hugging me. (Still a rarity.) If I ask her mundane things, like, “How was your day?” I am met with either silence, yelling at me or, on a good day, “uh huh.”
Yet, for the important stuff, she speaks to me. She tells me about the boys she likes & doesn’t like. She asks my advice as to how to respond and even helps me craft messages on her behalf. Sometimes, she invites me in – to watch a video or see something she has. Most times, she screams at me to get out and slams the door.
When it comes to clothes shopping, we have gone from arguing over sizes she didn’t understand, to asking me what size she should look for in what store. She even asks my opinion about most clothes she tries on. On shopping trips, she accepts the routine of try anything you want, pick what you like, we’ll total it up and choose what we like best. Of course other days, she wants nothing to do with me. She wanted Dad to take her shopping for a bathing suit, which is fine, but she’ll say, “I don’t want to go with YOU!”
How hard it is to live with the unpredictability and unjustified, viciousness?! Yet, I see the good head on her shoulders. I think she believes it when she says she doesn’t want a boyfriend until about age 16 or when she is in a good place with her studies and Huntington and such. (We’ll see : ) She wants a job, but is finally putting her emphasis on school. She just started taking Spanish a week ago. After studying hard, she got a 95% on a quiz about numbers 1-100. (It took me much more than a week to get that far!)
While I know even greater challenges lie ahead, I take comfort in knowing we were able to help her out of a situation that would not likely have a good end, and put her on a path where she can shine. And I’m sure she will!